WINTER DREAMS

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. 4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. 8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATHS

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.